


The Hot Roommate

by orangetree



Category: South Park
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Pining, Roommates, roommates with benefits
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-13
Updated: 2019-02-13
Packaged: 2019-10-27 14:28:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17768537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orangetree/pseuds/orangetree
Summary: He shouldn’t be allowed to touch the tan soft skin of Craig Tucker. He had made him into a false idol. He worshipped the boy he knew from a far and when Craig was tormented by having to start over as a  person alone





	The Hot Roommate

Stanford was Kyle Broflovski’s dream. It was everything he worked for, the reason he had too many activities and too many things he did to make him look special. To show the admission people he was worth investing in. When he received that acceptance email, it took everything in him for his heart not to stop on the spot. He spent the rest of the semester in this haze, this pure happiness haze that made everything look golden and blurry on the edges. It gave him tunnel vision, all he could see was next fall when he was at Stanford, surrounded by like minded individuals.

He was encouraged to contact his new roommate that summer. His name was Craig Tucker and his email was craigtucker@gmail.com, he was encouraged to reach out to him and get to know him better before school started. He did one better, he put all his ducks in a row. His instagram was crtucker and his snapchat was craigtu. He posted lots of music sort of things. Him playing the viola, videos of his favourite bands he had seen live. Him in front of the Eiffel Tower on a school trip with the french club, a tall blond with his arms around his skinny waist. Craig had a face that held his attention. He was beautiful. He had huge brown eyes and long dark lashes. Soft freckled tan skin and a smile with charming imperfections. An overbite and slightly pointy canine teeth. He couldn’t help but run his thumb over the picture, it was a natural reaction, he wasn’t going to apologise for this.

“Did you email your roommate?” Stan was strumming his electric guitar absentmindedly. “ Find out if they’re bringing a coffee pot or whatever.” He was staying here, going to community college and working on his dad’s pot farm. It was enough for him and he was looking forward to that. Kyle wasn’t going to look down on that either, Stan was good at wanting what he had. Kyle was not.

“Not yet, but I friended all of his social media. I wanted the whole picture.” He passed a cigarette to Kenny on his left. Kenny took it easily and looked over Kyle’s shoulder at his phone. 

“He’s hot, you’re not going to get much sleep.” He gave Kyle a crooked grin and earned an eye roll in return.

“He's my roommate, I'm not complicating things with sex.” Not that Kyle had ever had sex. He was going to college a virgin and that wasn’t just the most embarrassing thing in the world. But he was too tall and too awkward and had a ginger jewfro. He was lucky if he ever got laid.

“Its college dude, live a little.” Stan added. Everything sounded metallic and pinging since he never plugged his guitar in, he was basically just going through the motions, which was a very Stan thing to do.

He got brave one day and he wrote him a quick getting to know you email. The simplest facts, he was Kyle Broflovski, the oldest of two siblings. He was Jewish, both parents practising. He liked to play basketball, the Cure and dogs. He grew up in a small mountain town in Colorado. He just wanted to see how they interacted, test the water a bit.

Craig’s email came through a few hours later. He was also the oldest sibling, he had a younger sister Tricia and also grew up in Colorado. His dad owned a body shop in their small town and it was pretty thriving. His mother was a nurse and she worked at a hospital in their ER. He played the viola and the piano, he liked music and it made sense to him. His favourite band was Joyce Manor, but he loved Modern Baseball, State Champs and the Wallows too. He spoke French and had been to France. He liked guinea pigs, studying the stars and Wes Anderson movies. His voice seemed dryly funny and organized. Kyle liked talking to him and wanted to hear more about him.

They emailed all summer long and Kyle just liked his voice, he looked forward to meeting him in person. He told Craig about his need to prove himself and maybe he was just a little self righteous. Craig admitted that he was a slave to his routines and he had trouble adapting to change. He made him feel less alone, he was about to leave everything he had ever known. No more Stan there to make his day better or Kenny to bring out his playful side. He was walking into the unknown, but at least now he walking into it with another person.

They started following each other on social media and soon he watched as Craig went from an acquaintance to someone he may have been developing a crush on. He was beautiful and he couldn’t deny that. He wondered if Craig could ever look at him that way, not that he expected anything. But he was starting to wonder lots of things. There was a boy in his pictures. He was tall and blond with bright green eyes and a crooked sort of nose. He had pictures of him sitting on the blond boy’s lap and them kissing sweetly. The captions weren’t friendly and neither were the photos. He knew he had a boyfriend, he was very open with having a boyfriend too. He wasn’t jealous, he shouldn’t be jealous. They weren't dating and they hadn’t even met in person yet. But they were friends, he looked at him as a friend. He liked Craig and he was starting to look forward to his emails and his snaps and his texts. He was his bridge between his two worlds. The world he looked forward to and the world he was leaving behind.

Little did he know what he was getting into. If only he could predict how this would all play out. His mother was a wonderful woman and she had always wanted what was best for him. But and there was always a but, she was overbearing and completely took over the moving process. She arranged the shared living space in a way that would best suit Kyle’s needs. She was putting the finishing touches on the room when Craig and his family walked in. Kyle didn’t realize he was holding his breath until he saw Craig in person. He gave him a real, braces covered smile and Kyle felt his heart skip a beat for a moment. 

“Hello young man.” His mom gently nudged him aside to shake Craig’s hand. “Im Kyle’s mother, we are pleased to meet you.” He shook her hand gently and nodded along. “I would like to speak to your parents.” She looked to Craig’s dad, carrying in all the heavy things and Craig’s mother, unboxing the bedding so she could wash it and make his bed.

“It's really nice to see you in person.” Kyle gave him a hug. He seemed surprised by this, but returned it awkwardly. “I'm sorry about my mom.” He trailed off. 

“Its fine, my parents are pretty weird about me leaving home too.” He started to organize the boxes and tubs by which room they went in. “So I brought a Keurig, a tv, a record player and a microwave.” He added trying to be helpful. “I, um, I also brought my guinea pig and I know she’s against the rules. But I really love her. I hope you don’t mind. I’ll keep her in my room.” He was setting her pen up. She was a cute fat little thing wearing a dinosaur costume. He knew his mom would flip her shit if she saw Stripe. She hated things that were against the rules and she hated any chance her bubie could get into trouble. She really was a good mom, she went to all his basketball games and all his debates. But she could be just a little embarrassing. It was this new found embarrassment too, one he had never experienced. Kyle had only had two real crushes in his life. One was Rebecca Cotswold and it ended so badly. It still hurt when he thought about it. How easily she tossed him aside. Then there was Heidi Turner, he just wanted to help her. That ended poorly too. Here was another chance, another person who could be that missing piece. He was so afraid his mom would scare him away. 

He was a person who was intelligent and friendly. He had lots of opinions and he always tried to do the right thing, even if he went about it the wrong way. But somewhere along the line, he felt he was missing something. He saw Stan dating so easily. He was handsome and easy going and people liked him. Same with Kenny, they had no problem asking girls to prom or setting up double dates with Stan’s long time girlfriend Wendy and whomever it was Kenny was interested in. He was awkward and didn’t know how to approach this sort of subject. Craig was the first person in a long time he was actually interested in. He knew there was a boyfriend and he could tell Craig was intimidated by his mother and how loud she was. How chaotic this all was, his dad trying to soothe his mother’s nerves, Craig’s parents trying to stay out of the way. His brother was uninterested in this whole mess and was playing a game on his nintendo switch while Craig’s younger sister was helping him put away his records in a shelving unit. It was so typical Broflovskis, they came in and they took over, steamrolling over everything in their path. He felt his cheeks get hot, he was embarrassed and he didn’t know why. He just wanted to make a good first impression on Craig and he couldn't tell if he did or not.

Later that evening he could hear Craig using facetime on his ipad, talking to his boyfriend. He was trying not to listen, not to invade his privacy. His voice sounded sad without being tearful. The ache of missing someone. 

“I know honey, I miss you too.” He heard Craig say. His bedroom door was open just a crack and he see shadows of him moving around in it, still putting things away.

“When can I come up and see you babe?” The other voice was slightly higher pitched and wheezy. This was the blond person in all the pictures.

“Give me some time to get settled ok?” Kyle moved away from the door at that point and felt guilty for invading his privacy. He didn’t want to start this out on the wrong foot, even if he felt it was already going that way. He sat down on the futon Craig’s parents bought them from IKEA and looked at his phone. Texts from Stan and Kenny asking how things were going, did he talk to his hot roommate yet? Were they becoming friends? Would he be opposed if Kenny came and stayed for the weekend? He knew that one was said in jest, but still. It at least made him smile. 

“Hey, do you want to order a pizza?” Craig came out of the bedroom and gracefully draped his skinny frame next to him on the futon. He pulled his knobby knees up to his chest and rested his chin on them. He looked soft and unassuming, like he wasn't ready to throw a bomb in the life of Kyle Broflovski. Like he wasn’t going to make Kyle question everything he had ever known and fall in love with this taken, clever closed off boy who loved guinea pigs and pop punk and still had old fashioned metal braces. He wanted to stroke over his soft black hair and his soft round doll cheeks with their constellation of freckles. Look into his huge dark eyes and see his future. He dreamed of a house with a white picket fence and he was a lawyer and Craig was an astronomer and they took vacations to France and he made love to him in some charming little villa. He never wanted anything or anyone like this, he felt it radiate through his core and through his limbs and through his dick which had been half hard since Craig draped his gangly body next to him. He smelled like herby sweet shampoo and apple fabric softener and shea butter soap and it was killing him. His mouth went dry and his brain couldn’t answer Craig’s question. He was the smartest kid in the school, he was going to an ivy league university and he couldn’t answer a simple question. He couldn’t even remember what he asked him, he was distracted by the half erection he had from Craig’s arm brushed up against his and his skin was so soft. What was his fucking question?

“Kyle, do you want to order a pizza?” Craig asked him again a little more insistently and Kyle was suddenly snapped out of his masturbatory haze of hormonal distraction. Pizza yes. They needed food, they needed dinner, pizza was good.

“Yeah, pizza sounds fine.” He finally managed to spit out and Craig gave him a half smile, he looked somewhat amused by this. God, what if he thought this was his quirk? He was this stammering dipshit who couldn’t make a decision. What if he asked what he wanted on his pizza? They would have to do this all over again and he would be so fucking embarrassed.

“I don't eat pork!” He just sort of shouted to him. Craig’s eyes went wide for a moment and he looked up from presumably ordering the pizza on his phone. 

“That's fine, I don't eat pork either. By choice, I don't really like it. I was just going to get cheese.” He was looking at him like he was insane and he couldn’t really blame him. So far he goggled at him like a buffoon, he couldn’t answer his question and he shouted at him. He wondered if dying from embarrassment was a real thing. If Craig would come to his funeral and give a eulogy on how Kyle dropped over dead from embarrassment. 

“I wish I could have gotten to know him better.” He imagined him dabbing at his beautiful eyes with a tissue while his stupid blond boyfriend comforted him. 

“Do you want to watch a movie?” He asked him so tentatively, as if he was afraid Kyle would shout at him again. ‘Whenever I'm in a new place and its still uncomfortable, I watch Howl’s Moving Castle, it makes me feel better.” He motioned towards a blu ray on the shelf. Kyle had never seen Howl’s Moving Castle and honestly had no idea what a moving castle was. He watched Craig get up and put the movie in, his eyes going down the curve of his spine as he pulled it out of the case and put it in the player. They sat on the futon together, drinking peach pear la croix and eating a cheese pizza. Craig moved closer to him eventually, maybe out of habit, maybe he was lonely and homesick and Kyle was the only person he knew here. He sort of curled up against his side and he could hear his own heart pounding in his ears. Do not do anything weird Kyle. Just let him sit there and enjoy his comfort food movie. Don't let him know you’ve gotten an erection from actual human contact and if you get up, he’ll definitely become aware of this. 

They both ended up falling asleep on the futon that night and Kyle saw that Craig was half laying on him and the blanket was strewn over them both. He gently nudged him back over to his side and laid the blanket over him gently. This day went from the most awkward and embarrassing day of his life to the best day he had ever had. He held it close to his chest like it was a precious thing. Craig Tucker was a precious thing and he was going to remember every detail of this first night living with him.

Craig was a good roommate while dating Tweek. He came home and they did their homework together every night. They ate dinner together and Craig would go and face time with Tweek afterwards. He never listened to their conversations, but by October, he could tell they were a little strained. Two weeks before Halloween he came home to arguing. He could hear Craig’s voice struggling to stay even and Tweek was yelling and eventually he heard nothing. He tried to give Craig his privacy, just like he did that first night, but then he heard muffled sniffling. He knocked gently on the bedroom door.

“Craig? Can I come in?” He asked him. Kyle was a good comforter for the most part. He knew what to say, he would try to understand. He wanted to be there for him, even if this was a good thing for him in the long run. Tweek seemed really nice, the few times they had interacted when Craig would be facetiming him. He was friendly and kind and he always sent Kyle something in the care packages he sent Craig. But he was an obstacle in getting what he wanted, which was ultimately Craig. He was trying so hard to see Craig as just a roommate. The person made coffee in the morning and lived alongside him. It didn’t have to be more than that, it could be friendly. It could be this and he could try and be happy with just that.

But he was tired of settling for less. Rebecca was smart and pretty and weird and he liked that. He liked that she was smarter than he was and she had direction and she was so interesting. But it didn’t work out, she wasn’t ready for a boyfriend. It was too much too quickly. It left him hurting though, his first real heartbreak. Then it was Heidi Turner. She was pretty and smart and she just deserved better. Life was hard for her and Eric was such a dick. He was so mean to her and treated her like crap. He manipulated her and in the end, she turned on him too. That hurt so badly, it was still a bruise he was too afraid to press on. Here came Craig with his big pretty eyes and his love of science. He was as smart as he was and he was pushing him to be a better Kyle. He was afraid to lose him. He was afraid it would happen again and he was doomed to be alone. But here was his chance to get to know Craig and show him he could be an ideal boyfriend.

“Come in.” He was all curled up in his bed, trying to hide that he was crying. Kyle sat awkwardly on the edge of the bed and looked over at the blanket covered lump that was Craig. “I'm sorry if you heard anything.” His voice was shaking and he heard it crack. “Im sorry.” He sniffled. “It's just, Tweek and I broke up.” He let out a shaky breath. Craig was someone who didn’t show emotions easily. But he could hear the cracks in his voice, the way his face scrunched up. He was trying to be strong, but it wasn’t working as well as he hoped.

“I know it hurts right now, but this isn’t the right time for you guys.” Kyle told him soothing. He had this talk once with Lola Parker when she was dumped by Brimmy in the cafeteria. He remembered her crying through their Spanish class and she needed someone to talk to. He was there and it gave him this insight to human nature. How people handled heartbreak. How Craig was handling it right now. Sometimes you just need to spend the day in bed, listening to Lord Huron on repeat and letting your roommate who was in love with you comfort you.

“We’ve been together since the fourth grade, I've never been without him.” He dissolved into tears again. He reached for Kyle so he could cry on his chest and he took Craig into his arms. He stroked over his soft dark hair and just let him cry. Sometimes that’s all people needed. Just a presence, someone to hold them and just tell them everything is going to be ok. Everything was going to be ok. It just didn’t feel like that now, but it would.

“Think of this as a new beginning. You get to discover a new Craig. You get to be young and single and meet people up here. There will be nothing to tether you to someone. You can be anything or anyone.” He pointed out. That’s what people generally did when they broke up with someone. They got to be young and single and meet new people. Maybe Craig would look his way, maybe this was the first step to getting this on track. Kyle Broflovski was someone who knew what he wanted and he knew how to get it. This was step one, no more boyfriend. Step two was being a supportive friend, but not too friendly where Craig couldn’t see him as a romantic prospect. Step three, confess his love in a way that wouldn’t make him uncomfortable. Step four, lost his virginity after a respectable amount of time together. Step five, attend a good grad school together. Step six, ask him to marry him and Craig will cry and he would be on one knee. Step seven, be together forever. He wasn’t being callous, he wasn’t trying to be a dick. He thought they were compatible. They complimented each other and Craig deserved more than being with someone who wasn’t here. Long distance just didn’t work and everyone knew that.

“Thank you for being here for me. “He looked over at him. “I know you’re right and I’ll move on. It just hurts so badly right now Ive never been without him, Im so used to being his person and he’s my person. Now Im no one’s person.” He curled under Kyle’s chin and clutched onto his sweater. “It will eventually not hurt anymore yes?” He looked up at him with those big dark eyes and it was it. He had to make his seven step plan work. He had to get this angel into his life and his arms and his bed. He could do it, he was Kyle Broflovski.

If only he knew what was to come, he would never have given Craig that advice. He wished he had never told him to be young and meet new people and go out and have fun. What unfolded next was the biggest wrench in Kyle’s seven step plan. It all started with a Halloween party. Craig was a lazy black cat with a baggy black sweater, skinny black jeans and cat ears. He was a really cool vampire. Not like those stupid vampire kids from elementary school, but a cool one like the ones in the Lost Boys, a 1980s classic film. He even had Craig help him put on cool bloody makeup.

“You look really cool.” Craig told him as he dabbed fake blood in the corner of his mouth. “Seriously really scary.” He admired his handiwork. He really did look cool and he was going to make a good impression at this very cool Halloween party. It was at Menlo college where Craig’s friend Clyde went. He was a little nervous, he hadn’t really ventured off Stanford’s campus much, but Craig said it would be fun. They brought their friend Token from their English class and his girlfriend with them so they wouldn’t have to leave alone.

‘This party is going to be dope.” He told them as he threw a toned arm around Craig’s bony shoulder. This was part of Craig’s plan to get out and have fun and be young. He was going to a college party, he was going meet some new people. This was going to be a fun night had by all.

Kyle was talking to Token Black and his girlfriend Nichole about an english paper they were all working on when he noticed he couldn’t see Craig. They weren’t supposed to let each other out of their sight, that was their agreement. He actually hadn’t seen him in a while. He excused himself from Token to look for Craig. He found him completely wasted, sitting on dude’s lap, pouring alcohol into his own mouth.

“Craig, what are you doing?” He didn’t mean to sound so surprised. He had never seen Craig drink, or party or socialize in general. He was quiet and tended to stay to the same friends they made the first week of school. This was a very different side of Craig and he didn’t know if he liked it.

“This is Trent, he said he liked my costume and he goes to Stanford with us.” He slurred and turned to Trent and gave him an opened mouthed wet kiss. It was all tongues and teeth. He turned around in Trent’s lap so he was straddling him. Kyle had his heart broken before, this wasn’t a new feeling, but it was always a raw feeling. He felt like someone punched him in the chest. He wasn’t going to cry or give up, he was Kyle Broflovski, he could do anything. This was just a speed bump on the way, he wasn’t going to let this define the relationship.

Craig spent the next month drinking heavily, going out almost every night. He brought a new man home almost every night. There was frat boy Trent with the nice smile and tanned skin. Jason White who was in their math class and had a receding hairline and was a little creepy. But he helped Craig get an A on their first math test of the year and apparently this was the reward. Mike who played baseball and was even taller than he was. He could hear each one through the wall, he started to memorize the thumping of the bed against the wall, the way Craig sounded when he moaned their names, “Harder, go harder.” The slight nasal tone, the way it sounded on his tongue. The way he looked like a beaten and bruised banana the next morning. Bruises on his throat, collarbones and shoulders. Once he was stretching his skinny arms above his head and he could see bruises on his hip bones too. His eyes had dark bruises from lack of sleep and seemed in a daze most of the time.

“Guys, I hate my roommate.” He hissed on facetime to Kenny and Stan. “He's not the person I thought he was, he keeps bringing all these dudes back here and I can hear him through the walls, it's really distracting.” He bitched to them as he was doing his math homework. He didn’t want to tell them it wasn’t just distracting, but it was breaking his heart. At least with Tweek, there was one guy. He had one guy to compete with. Now he felt like it was half of Stanford coming through their dorm room. It hurt so badly, but it wasn’t like he had a claim on him. He couldn’t tell him what to do or treat him any differently. He just had to let this pass. 

“Dude, he’s just in pain, he broke up with that boyfriend. You just need to be there for him right now. Like a supportive friend.” Stan told him gently. He knew Kyle, he could read Kyle like a book. He was upset and he was hurt. He had a tendency to lash out when he was upset. “He's trying to distract himself from that. Once he gets over that blond dude, he’ll be back to normal.” Kenny agreed next to Stan. 

“I shouldn’t have my routines interrupted for this, he could go there you know.” Kyle looked over at Craig’s shut door. He hadn’t come out of his room yet and even when he did, he looked like a zombie half the time. He wasn’t the same boy that moved in here back in August. Kyle missed that Craig, the one that was quickly becoming one of his favourite friends. He didn’t know this person.

“Hes not doing it on purpose. Everyone reacts to pain a little differently.” Stan knew how this went. He had his heart broken by Wendy so many times. Sometimes you mope, sometimes you drink, sometimes you join the goth kids and act like a total downer. Sometimes you just sleep around and drink too much and stay in your room. Everyone processed pain differently.

He knew Stan and Kenny were right, he had to be there for him. He had to show him he wasn’t judging him, he wanted to help him. He did want to help him and he had to swallow his pain and be there for his friend who was hurting. Kyle was a good person, he really did try and do the right thing. He just had this unfortunate habit of doubling down and making things worse. But he wasn’t going to do that this time. He was going to comfort his friend, help him through his breakup and then get his plan back on track.

“Craig? He said gently knocking on the door. “Do you want some coffee?” He saw the door open just a crack and a smooth tan hand reached out for the coffee. He handed it to him, just like he liked it. With a little almond milk and some of that raw sugar and the door shut again. Kyle felt embarrassed and rejected for some reason. He was trying to do what Stan and Kenny told him to, he as being a supportive friend. Clearly Craig just wanted his alone time, that was ok too.

He was walking away when the door opened back up and Craig let him in. His room was still and dark and he was listening to Manchester Orchestra on low. He crawled back in bed and left a space for him as well. 

“Im sorry I haven’t been myself lately.” He heard muffled under the weighted blanket. Kyle took a deep breath and crawled in next to him. Craig smelled like the headiness of warm blankets and his herby shampoo and warm skin. He looked over at Kyle and his eyes were so big and so sad. “I just don't know what to do anymore. This isn’t working. I'm still really sad about Tweek.” He admitted to him.

“I know. It will be hard and then it will get better I promise.” Kyle remembered how hard it was to see Heidi with Cartman and then it got easier and then one day it didn’t hurt anymore. He knew one day it would be the same for Craig. It hurt right now and then one day it would hurt a little less and then one day, Tweek would be a fond memory. He was still in the hurting stage.

“Do you still like being my roommate?” He took a sip of his coffee and looked over at him. Kyle didn’t know how to answer that. He was someone who spoke their mind, he prided himself on that. He told people harsh truths when he felt they needed that. Maybe that’s what Craig needed to knock him out of this.

“Overall yes, you’re a good roommate. These past few weeks, no. You keep me up with your night time guests, you drink too much and haven't been yourself. But you’re hurting and you need the distraction. So I can look past it. You’re still Craig.” He told him firmly. Craig needed to hear it, it was the truth. A gentle truth, he wasn’t a monster after all.

“Im sorry Kyle.” It was simple and it was honest. And Kyle hoped it was the fresh start they both could use. They could go back to that moment where they were shy and meeting each other for the first time. Before they were filled with regret how this year was already playing out. That life was simple then, the answers were all right there, they were just a little harder to figure out. He wanted to figure them all out alongside Craig, his chest felt so tight when he looked at him. The adolescent crush he had on him was stronger than ever. He was in love with him, he wanted to reached out and pull him into his chest and brush the soft black hair out of his eyes. He wanted to do so many things, he wanted to love him so bad, just love him fully and deeply like he deserved. He looked so sad, he looked like heartbreak took a human form and it was beautiful Craig Tucker. He swept into his life with his dry funny emails and recommendations of art and music and films. They read the same books and they found common ground in academics. He fell in love with this messy stranger. He was learning that people had deep flaws that made them so endearingly human and could break your heart so easily. He was so heart broken at Craig spreading his legs for these boys who was just not worth him. That didn’t know the person he was. They saw the outside and he saw the potential. 

He shouldn’t be allowed to touch the tan soft skin of Craig Tucker. He had made him into a false idol. He worshipped the boy he knew from a far and when Craig was tormented by having to start over as a person alone, he complained to Stan and Kenny. He felt this hot tight shame wash over him and make his skin feel like it was too small for his body. He was shamed by the fact he had silently slut shamed Craig in his lowest point and he desperately wished it had been him. How he silently listened to Craig getting fucked in his bedroom, imaging him bouncing on some boy’s dick or bent over the bed and how he would clutch at the sheets when he was on his hand and knees. How he imagined Craig bouncing on his dick, asking Kyle for more. Harder faster, leave a bruise and a mark and leave a mark in my life Kyle. Never let him forget he was here. How he beat his dick until he felt it was going to fall off and how ashamed he was that he was listening to Craig getting fucked in his bedroom and getting off on it. He was tragic, he was such a fucking perv. If Craig knew, he would move out and never speak to him again. He deserved that.

Craig smelled so good. Warm and human and he still had this sadness in his eyes from the breakup. He had such beautiful eyes and he looked up at Kyle with those eyes and he felt it heat up his skin and spike into his dick. Craig shifted his weight in this very deliberate way and felt his skinny frame fit right against his.

“You’re hard.” Craig’s nimble slim fingers brushed against the front of his khaki pants. The pads of his fingers against the tip where it was straining and he felt him press down there for a moment. “You feel big.” His mouth was hot and soft against his ear. He shifted so Kyle could roll on top of him and he opened his legs for him. It was all such second nature to him. Open your legs, roll your skinny hips and press up. He kept his eyes on Kyle’s, big brown eyes on his green ones. He rolled his bony hips against his, he heard little soft whimpers escape his lips. He was a slut, a beautiful flawed slut that made Kyle want to throw him against the door and take him roughly. He would like it, he knew that to be true. He ran his hands over his slim arms down to his thin wrists and he pinned them to the mattress. They were fully clothed, but he had never felt so naked in his life. He was going to cum in his pants, at least this time it would be from actual human contact.

Craig pressed against him like he needed it, he needed it so badly. It made him let out this groan he didn’t even know he was holding in at the thought of that. Craig needed it, Craig needed him. He needed him to fuck him, he would fuck him right into the mattress. He pulled his t shirt off and put his mouth on his throat and then his collarbones and his chest. He took a brown nipple into his mouth. He felt Craig trying to pull his polo shirt off. He was wearing a polo shirt his mom bought him. He looked like his mom still dressed him. He was such a nerd, jesus, he couldn’t believe this was happening. But it was and Craig was moaning his name so softly and sweetly and he wanted him. He wanted so many things in his life. He wanted to go to Stanford, he wanted to be debate team captain. He wanted a car and air pods and to extend his curfew. But this, he would have killed someone for this.

“Fuck me Kyle.” Craig’s head was tilted up against the pillow. His legs was spread open and he pressing himself against Kyle so sweetly. He reached down and unzipped Kyle’s khakis and he was trying to help him pull them down and his eyes when he saw his dick. He looked impressed and that would stay in his brain for the rest of his life. Craig pressed lube and a condom into his hands and the way he looked at him through his lashes. He used the lube, he used his fingers to open up Craig. He was afraid he was doing it wrong, he was so afraid Craig didn’t like this or him. That he was humouring him. But he was moaning and trying to press his body against his fingers, so he thought he was doing something right. 

“You can push in.” Craig sighed to him. He took a deep breath and he pushed gently into him and holy shit did everything become clearer, brighter. Everything was Craig, his smell and his skin and how his mouth tasted. How his skin tasted, he bit down on his shoulder hard enough to leave a bruise. He clutched at his thighs hard enough to leave bruises too. He fucked him with all he had and he knew it wasn't perfect and he wasn’t perfect. But it was the best thing that ever happened to him. He would never trade this moment for the world. He let Craig come first like a gentleman and he came and he felt like the world was his. He was his and he would never not think of this moment for as long as he lived.

He rolled off of him and gathered him into his arms. They laid there for a moment, like nothing else existed. Like this was just for them and this was the only place he wanted to be. He stroked over his soft black hair gently and looked into his giant brown eyes. Craig reached up and brushed a curl out of his face.

“You were really good.” He had this little closed mouth smile on his plush pink lips. Craig thought he was good, he thought he was good enough to lay here like this with him. That's what he needed to hear, he was good, he was good enough to be here with him.

“Does this change anything?” He asked him. But that’s not what he wanted to ask. He wanted to ask if he loved him. If he would let him touch him again. Was this it for them, one quick encounter on a Tuesday morning. He looked down at him, studying his face. His round cheeks, his big dark eyes. He had groomed dark eyebrows that knitted together when he was upset. Old fashioned metal braces that would have looked out of vogue on anyone else, but they worked on him. He wasn’t looking at him, he had his head on his chest, looking off. Was this it for them? He could live with that, he had him once. He knew what it felt like to take Craig Tucker and tomorrow he would wake up a totally different person. There was a before he slept with Craig Tucker and an after. He wasn’t a virgin anymore, he never thought this day would even come. But it was here and he was his dream. He had him once and he had to learn to live with that.

“I don't know, I haven't gotten that far.” Craig was stroking over his chest. His body hair was red and his skin was freckled. He was too pale and too gangly. He was the tallest boy from his high school and played forward on the basketball team. Craig was running the pads of his fingers over his chest hair like he was petting something soft, trying to see if he liked what he felt. “This could be fun though. No more nighttime visitors and we could relieve some stress.” He looked up at him through his lashes. He climbed on top of Kyle and straddled his waist. 

“Can you get hard again?” He ran his soft hands over his chest and down to his stomach. He had the faintest outline of abs and he so fucking proud of that. He had abs people, he wasn’t just some skinny debate nerd. He played basketball too, it showed. 

“Yeah, I can.” He looked starry eyed at him. God he hoped he could. He seemed like he spent so much of his time in this room concealing a boner, how hard, no pun intended, could it be to get hard again with a beautiful boy sitting naked on you. Craig leaned down and started to kiss his jawline, nipping at it. Yeah, there was no problem getting hard again. He felt Craig ease onto him, no shy rolling of the hips this time. He rode him hard and fast and it was the best thing he had ever felt in his life. He put his hands on his bony hips and squeezed them hard. He left bruises on his hips, his collarbones and shoulders. Down the side of his throat, he left him as bruised as a banana. The marks in his life, the marks that he wanted to leave behind when he moved onto the next boy.

Being roommates with benefits wasn’t exactly how he thought things were going to go with Craig. This wasn’t in his seven step plan. They weren’t in love, they hadn’t been together for a respectable amount of time. He wasn’t great at plans going awry, even though every plan Stan, Kenny and him had ever made basically went poorly and he had to figure out how to get things back on track. They weren’t together, they were free to do whatever they wanted with whomever they wanted. There were times where they slept together and they went to their own beds afterwards. Craig was laying on him as he read for his English class, wearing his old basketball hoodie and baggy pajama pants. It was domestic and so unlike them. It was everything he had ever wanted, he wanted to love him so badly. He felt his hand find its way to Craig’s hair and thread through it. It was so soft and he felt his chest just clench. He was from a repressed middle class family. His parents rarely showed emotions unless it was anger or distaste. He was the emotional one in his family, not really seeing any sense in hiding what he felt. But here on this futon, he wanted to express every feeling he had ever had for this beautiful boy on his chest.

He heard Craig let out a little yawn and toss his book to the floor. He curled up on him like he was a warm body pillow. He moved his hands from his hair down to his round little cheeks, stroking over his soft tan skin. Craig smelled good and his warm weight on his frame felt like it was supposed to be there. He could be as rigid as he was. He liked his plans and his organization. Everything had its place, had its time. They had that in common and sometimes it made for a room divided. But on a lazy Saturday afternoon, everything was as it should be. Quiet and gentle. The sound of Craig’s breath and the smell of his hair. He bubbled with wanting to tell him he loved him, he wanted to hold him and worship him as he deserved. 

He should have known where this road led. He had seen it before. Stan had done the same to Wendy, made her into an object of worship. He didn’t always see her for the person she was. Everyone had flaws, every single person, no matter how much you want to believe they don’t, had flaws. Craig could be stubborn. He wasn’t always mindful of Kyle, bringing boys back or listening to the same playlist over and over again until it was burned in Kyle’s brain. He chided him when he didn’t things his way. He could be bossy and he was clearly used to getting what he wanted. Tweek seemed like the sort of boyfriend that gave in easily. Kyle was as stubborn. There was no giving in easily on his side.

“You know I worship you yes?” He murmured into Craig’s dark hair. “That I would do anything for you?” He saw Craig look up at him, blinking slowly. Those huge eyes, he would burn down cities for those eyes. 

“I am not an object of worship.” He took Kyle’s hand in his gently and kissed his fingertips. “I am person that you may grow to dislike.” He looked so innocent, but Kyle knew better. He was anything but. 

“I will never grow to dislike you.” He was trying not to show his cards, but here they were, laid out on the table. He wondered how Craig felt, he was so hard to read. He never showed his cards, he never knew what hand to play with Craig. It always ended up being some desperate show of affection that never went his way. That he knew all that desperation must have been a turn off. But Craig always came back, he always ended up in his bed. He hadn’t seen a new boy back here since he suggested roommates with benefits.

“You’re so hard to read.” He was touching Craig’s face, the slope of his nose and the roundness of his cheeks. He wanted to press his fingers into his soft skin, into the cheekbones, the soft plushness of his pink lips. He wanted to run his fingertips over the slim loveliness of his arms and over the contours of his thin waist. Touch him everywhere, over every inch of his skin until he could memorize him. Memorize every single detail of Craig Tucker.

“That’s part of my charm. You wouldn’t like it if I were easy. You like me because I challenge you.” He shifted so he was nose to nose with him. He wasn’t wrong. If Craig were simpering and overly affectionate, he would get bored. He liked clever people. He liked people who had their own personalities and their own agency and wants. Craig had his own agency, even in the quiet desperation of offering himself to all these boys that graced their doorstep. He still kept things on his own terms. No one stayed the night, no one ate breakfast with them and no one caused him to miss a class.

“You drive me insane.” He admitted quietly. It was quiet desperation and it was an almost confession. He couldn’t say the words I love you. I need you and I want you all the time. That all I think about is you. I know what you feel like under my fingertips and I know what your skin tastes like. I know what it feels like to be inside of you and press your lithe little frame into the mattress or against the wall or bent over in the shower. But as much as he wanted to say it, he knew it would change everything. So it was you drive me insane, why can’t you let me know what you’re thinking. Why can’t you just be mine? No labels made his chest hurt, made his brain spin. He wondered who else Craig was under or bent over for. He wondered if Craig let someone else in and this was easy and he just wanted to get off with someone.

“Shhh, no more talking.” He told him softly, barely audible. He pressed his forehead to Kyle’s and kissed him so softly, a gentle swipe of the lips. He always knew how to shut him up. He was thinking too loud, he was always thinking too loud. He was always questioning his place in the universe. What was real, what did he dream up. Did he dream up Craig Tucker? Did he wish him into existence because he was a dream within a dream. He gave him a gentle slap to the ass to see if he was real. He earned a nudge from his bony elbow, he was real. Thankfully real as he felt him press his bony body against his. He was consistently hard in this room, he felt it strain against his khakis and Craig press against it. 

“You're always so hard.” Craig slid off of him and onto the floor in front of him. He was on his knees like he was praying and maybe he was. He was praying to the gods of pleasure. The only gods he knew how to worship. He felt his mouth, warm and soft on the tip of his dick, mouthing at it. He put his hand on the crown of his head, gently stroking over his hair. He closed his eyes like he was praying and if this was church, then he was ready to turn his back on his faith. This was his new religion, Craig Tucker on his dick for the end of time. He tapped him gently on the shoulder and pulled him back up. He fucked him like this was his last day on earth. This was his last wish before he was flung from this earthly plane. To fuck Craig Tucker into their IKEA futon and then to fuck him in their shower where it was all warm and echoey. He fucked him until they passed out exhausted on Craig’s bed that smelled like him. How could he ever have doubts about this? How could he been upset that it wasn’t following his plan? 

He would have loved to say they were getting to know each other and falling in love bit by bit. But that was a lie. Fucking your roommate you’re in love with seems like the best idea. It seemed like it would get his plan back on track. Craig seemed reluctant to the idea, he didn’t want more than what they had. He wasn’t ready to open himself up again to love. He had just gotten out of an eight year relationship, he had been with Tweek since they were ten years old. How do you move on from someone if you had never been apart from them? He had never been a person without Tweek. He wasn’t ready to tether himself to another person and lose whatever independence he had now.

They were lazily making out between working on their homework. Every time one would get bored, Kyle would pull him into his lap or Craig would drape his lanky body over his. He wanted to talk to him, he wanted to pick at his beautiful fucking brain and get to know him as a person. They had lost that along the way somehow. He saw Craig as an object of worship. The boy he lost his virginity to, the sexual being that awoken something in him. He wondered what kind of person Craig would be if he had left him alone. If he kept this weird crush to himself and let Craig keep going. He would fuck his way through the campus and return to him. Maybe he would get it out of his system and he would settle down and there was Craig. Whatever was left after heartbreak. He was stuck in limbo, he missed Tweek while having an outlet for his pain. He wondered if that’s all he would ever be too. That Craig would eventually move on and find someone else. Someone he didn’t fuck his broken heart away with. Some nice frat boy or the kid in their biology class that always smiled at him. He was tall with neat brown hair. He was the kind of boy you met in college. They would hold hands and he would walk Craig to class. Pick up his coffee from him and let him wear his hoodie when he was cold. They would cuddle on the couch watching a movie and make sweet gentle love. It would all mean something. Did he mean anything?

But Craig had worn his hoodie. He had nestled up to him while they watched a movie, that first night they lived together. He remembered comforting him after Tweek. Sneaking food in for his guinea pig, listening to records. Maybe they all weren’t part of his plan, maybe a plan wasn’t going to work for them. He had to learn not everything in life needed to have a great meaning. Maybe tonight, he would make out with him, pull him in his lap and maybe they wouldn’t talk too much. Maybe seven steps wouldn’t be enough for them, maybe it would ten, twenty, a hundred tiny steps. Maybe just this once, he had to let things go, happen as they would. He had this horrible habit of doubling down, making things worse, trying to force what wasn’t there. He had to let Craig come to him, see what he wanted for now. He wasn’t ready to be someone’s. He was ready to make out lazily between homework. Walk to class together and eat lunch their friends in the cafeteria. It wasn’t how he wanted things to happen, it didn’t fit into his plan. Sometimes you had to be in the moment with a beautiful boy on your lap, who played with your curls and had a sweet crooked smile. That was more than you could ask for and honestly, more than you deserve sometimes.

The sun was streaming in through their dingy blinds on a Thursday morning. It was nothing special, just a Thursday in December. He ran his pale hand over the bones in Craig’s back. The little divots of his spine, the swoop of his shoulder blades. The soft skin and the bruises he left on his shoulders. He turned and stretched when he felt a soft little hand on his own back. Craig was going over the marks he had made last night as he clutched at his back.

“You leave me like a bruised banana and I leave you all scratched up.” Craig was sitting up, the blanket draped over his thin frame, pooling at his lap. He wasn’t as hard to read as he used to be, he looked into his eyes and saw all sorts of things flicker. The affection he longed to see. It wasn’t as strong as his, but it was there. The hesitance of starting something new, getting over someone you never thought you could. He leaned back down and kissed him, kissed over his face, his round cheeks. His jawline, the soft pink plush lips. He kissed over his closed eyes, his long lashes. He laid back down and covered his slight frame with his and he felt his soft hands in his curls, affectionate. Soft and affectionate and he was slowly opening him up, he was slowly cracking the veneer of distance between them. The carefulness of just fucking without feelings. 

“You know I worship you yes?” He had told him this once before. This time he saw Craig look up at him with those big eyes. They blinked slowly at him and he saw a little closed mouth smile play on his lips. 

“I know. You know my answer to this statement hasn’t changed. I am not an object of worship.” He buried his face in the junction between Craig’s throat and his shoulder. He breathed his scent, the shea butter soap he used, the herby sweet smell of his shampoo. The slight tang of his own cologne that seemed to seep into Craig’s soft tan skin. He had made his mark on him, he wasn’t going anywhere. 

“Craig.” He was so close to saying it. He wanted to say it. He had never said it to anyone but his family or Stan. He liked Heidi Turner. He really liked Rebecca Cotswold. But he had never loved anyone until now. He wanted to tell him, he wanted to hold him and tell him he loved him. He felt it bubble in his chest and spread through his limbs, warm waves of want. 

“Kyle.” He looked up at him and he could see it. He was so close, so close. Maybe it wouldn’t be a confession of love, maybe he wasn’t there yet. But it was something. The tone in his voice, the way he was looking at him. It was something. He needed to hear something, anything. He would have taken anything from him in that moment. 

He laid next to Craig, stroking over his soft dark hair. It was a quiet Thursday morning in December. He felt Craig stir on his chest and he kissed the top of his head. It was a quiet Thursday morning and he had a beautiful boy in his arms. Nothing was going to according to plan and that was ok. There was never going to be a moment that was better than this one. He was eighteen years old and he was in love and he had a beautiful boy in his arms.

**Author's Note:**

> This one isn't too sad, so good on that. Im trying new pairings Ive never written before.


End file.
